I’ll cut it short. It was hell.
I woke up last night at 2am, and spent the rest of the early hours of the morning barely asleep, having some really strange dreams (nothing even remotely interesting sorry). The hour before i got up was spent in a lucid state, then i all of a sudden thought it was 2 in the afternoon, wondering what the fuck was going on.
I got my mind together, downed the second tablet and dragged myself to work.
From the moment i stepped in the door at work, it was obvious I was about to feel very unwell. Within the hour, i was getting fuzzy vision, sweaty palms and a lot of trouble concentrating. At one point i nearly lost my balance whilst standing in the hall way. All I wanted to do was sit at my desk and waste the day, hoping that 5 o’clock would magically appear.
It didn’t.
By mid afternoon i was ready to hit the eject button. I was mumbling more than i usually do (i speak quickly, but as soon as you add mumbling, and I become unintelligible to most people)
By 3 o’clock i realised i wasn’t getting worse anymore, but the fuzzies came and went. I made myself scarce, re-organising files in the back room and generally doing things that didn’t require attention or communication with others.
Cue 5, and i was out of there.
I’ve been open with work about being medicated, and discussed my mental health with management. They commended me for looking for help for a problem that would have been apparent to them for many months. But i ask the question…
Is it worth it? Based on how i felt today, the question is a valid one. But knowing that this isn’t going to fix itself, leaves only one option.
Forward
